Knitting Nanny? I'm OK with that...

It's that time of night again where I actually am able to update here. Today was a bit of a struggle with nursing. Pooh bear has decided that whenever it's time to eat, he's going to arch his back and scream and cry. It's been really stressful trying to remedy this. I've found the only thing that's working is laying down nursing which is fine until it's time to go out.

Today we went to visit grandma again and she seemed to be ok other than her stomach pain related to eating. I feel so sad for her and wish she wasn't going through all of this. But she's such a strong woman I know she can pull through.

After the hospital, we went out to eat at Red Lobster where pooh bear admired the lobster tank. It was a pleasant dinner out until he got hungry. Usually, I'd just pull the cover out and nurse at the table. He was having no such thing tonight! He kicked and screamed and fussed, arching his back. It made me feel awful because I didn't know what was wrong or what I could do to help. After a few minutes struggling with him, he gave up and acted like he wasn't hungry anymore. He played at the table and was happy again. I'm so puzzled as to what could be going on.

As usual, whenever a parenting/nursing question arises, I take it to The Leaky B@@b. Some lovely ladies over there gave me some suggestions that I plan to implement. First thing is I need to call the doctor in the morning to have them check out his ears for an infection. Also, to check if maybe his Zantac dose needs to be adjusted since he's gained some weight.

Lately I've been considering different things I can do to pull in an income to help my boyfriend and I honestly don't know what I can do other than babysitting/nanny. I also considered selling some knitted stuff on etsy but I'm not sure I'm good enough yet. I'm still a little rusty. Those gloves I talked about last night? Yeah, theyre still not done yet. Knitting would be a whole lot easier if pooh bear didnt think the needles were toys for him to play with! I'm determined to get this down. If I can cook dinner with him, I should be able to knit with him! Any insight is appreciated.

Like I was saying, I just want a couple extra dollars in our pocket so all of the weight isn't on his shoulders. I try telling him I appreciate all he does but I don't think he realizes how much it means to me that I'm able to stay home and raise our son right now. There is no substitute for the loving care provided by one's own mother. Right now, pooh bear needs me. As much as I need him. Our wonderful nursing relationship is nowhere near its end and I'm convinced that leaving him to go back to work would ruin it. I've struggled with supply issues from the very beginning and I've worked too damn hard to have to give it up now.

I remember when I was pumping 1-3 oz per DAY and just crying myself to sleep because I felt like a failure. I took herbs, drank extra water, ate more balanced meals, pumped between feedings, ate lactation cookies. You name it, I tried it. And I'm not entirely sure of what it was that worked, but it did. And we've been supplement free for about 3 months. I am SO PROUD. Determination got us here!

So to turn it in now for nothing? No way! If I went to work as a nurse in a hospital, the shifts are long so I'd definitely have to pump several times a day. We've already learned that I'm not an efficient pumper. So what does that mean? I wouldn't supply enough milk for pooh bear to eat at daycare. And in addition, he eats on demand. Sometimes more than every 2 hours. There's no way I could pump that often at work. The end result would be my supply dropping so low that id get discouraged and depressed and resent having to go back to work. Id dry up and lose my milk and blame myself. Not so much of a happy ending. And I refuse to have to give him formula again. That's another post for another day but let's just say the similac recall made him REALLY sick. I've since become more educated and am much more firm in my decision to exclusively breastfeed.

So in the meantime, I'm going to have to settle for being a knitting nanny and I'm fine with that. I can only hope everyone else in my life is supportive, knowing that this is what's best for all of us right now. Like I've said a million times before and will say a million times more, pooh best comes first in my life over everything! All decisions I make will reflect what I blelieve is the best thing for him. And I'm sticking to it!

Time to go cuddle back with my lovebug. Goodnight all!